So unless you live under a rock or never go online or *gasp* aren’t a Blockhead, you know that the fourth annual NKOTB cruise sets sail today. Last year I was on the ship so it’s bittersweet. I thought I might be depressed today & moping around, thinking “I was on that boat last year. I really could use a vacation….” (And yes, I know it’s really a ship but calling it “the boat” has stuck w/ the NKs and us) Luckily, I’m not doing that. I don’t even feel a little bit depressed. Since I have suffered from depression in the past, you don’t know how happy I am to type those words & MEAN it. The thing is if we were meant to be on that boat, we’d be on it.
My personal reason for not being there, which I realized yesterday, is today is my daughter’s last day of preschool. If I were going on the cruise, I would have missed it. Granted, when the cruise went on sale, I didn’t know today would be her last day of school. But last year when the onsale began, I didn’t have the funds available. In 2011, the onsale date was also payday so it worked out. Everything worked out in 2011, everything didn’t for the 2012 cruise. So do you see what I’m saying? If it’s meant to be it will work out. If it’s not, it won’t. Simple as that. Yes, it’s painful when you really want to do something & it seems the world is working against you. But believe me when I say there’s a reason for that. Maybe if you had booked the cruise, you would have missed a special day in your child’s life or maybe something else. Maybe you’ll meet someone today who will change your life, that you wouldn’t have met if you were getting onboard the Destiny in Miami. We don’t know. But I guarantee there is a valid reason you’re not on the ship. And it doesn’t mean you’re a loser or any less of a fan or anything crazy like that. You are just meant for something else, something better for you.
If you’ve never cruised & are thinking along the lines of “Yeah, you can say that because you cruised last year. I always miss out!” I understand that, too. I was one of the fans back in the day who was always a few minutes too late to meet the guys. We’d walk into a restaurant or gas station and the dude would shake his head and say, “You just missed ’em.” And it’s not like the guys come to North Carolina a lot now so I miss out on a lot. But why dwell on that? I am grateful and feel very lucky for the things I have been able to attend. Again, I say those events were meant for me to experience, just as the things in your life were meant for you. If you’ve never had the pleasure to meet the guys, it’s simply because it wasn’t meant to be yet. And your day will come, when the time’s right. I wouldn’t have properly appreciated the experience back in the day the same way I do now. You know what I mean? Not that everything is necessarily destiny (pardon the pun on the ship’s name but it fits) but it definitely plays a part. Last year, it was my destiny to be on Destiny. This year, it’s not. I treasure the experiences I had last year, even the really low lows we experienced because they made way for the extremely high highs. I had the time of my life. 2011 was the best year of my life, partly because of the cruise. But that doesn’t mean 2012 sucks because of what I’m not able to do. I guess what I’m trying to say is, stop dwelling on what you’re not able to do and focus on what you can and are doing.
As much as I love New Kids and always will, they are not the be-all end-all of our lives. Too many times I see people tweet things like they NEED the guys to tweet or follow them and then their life will be complete. Hey guess what? Even if you get that follow, nothing is going to change. You will still be you. Yeah, you can DM him now and maybe he’ll respond. But you have to find happiness and fulfillment in yourself, in your life. Stop looking for it in a guy you don’t really know, in a “celebrity” for lack of a better term. Because he is going to disappoint you. He can’t provide you with what you seek. Same is true if you’re looking for it in any other person. You feel me? I have only recently learned this lesson and it has changed my life. Perhaps that’s why I don’t feel depressed anymore. Right now I feel overwhelming gratitude for the experiences I’ve had, for my awesome friends and for the fact that I am with my daughter today on her last day of school. Basically for the fact that I’m alive and for the life I’ve lived. Despite my painful experiences, problems with men, depression, extremely low self-esteem. I’m me and I have finally grown to love me. I wish that for everyone, especially my Blockhead sisters who read this.
So if you’re on the cruise, be grateful! If you’re not on the cruise, be grateful! Just be grateful for your life and stop focusing on the negative! I wish you all love & light 🙂 xoxo