So kinda going along with my last blog about being okay with not being on the cruise, I was thinking after my workout this morning about my drive to get back in shape. You see, last year I was in the best shape of my life. I don’t know if I want to share what my weight was back then but my avi here is from March 2011, 2 months before the cruise & I was about the same on the cruise. For the first time in my life, I was happy with my looks. That’s saying a lot because most of my life, like many women, I struggled with low self-esteem, constantly thinking I’m not good enough. Even then, I was in good shape but still not happy with myself. Now, a year later I’m happy with who I am but not with my looks. Sometime in the fall of 2011 I had an epiphany. It’s very personal so I won’t go into detail but I felt like I found my true self. I no longer feel hatred toward anyone, even myself. And I think I am the one I always hated most. Also, unfortunately at that time, I had stopped working out. I had plenty of excuses for not doing it. I claimed to have carpal tunnel and yes, my wrists did bother me but I could’ve done another type of workout where I didn’t use my wrists. I could have started running then but I found a million reasons not to. And so I gained back almost all of the weight I had worked so hard to lose. While spiritually I was in a better place, physically I was not. And not surprisingly, it took away from feeling good about myself spiritually. I needed to fnd that balance of being my true self, spiritually connected and getting back in shape.
It has taken me months to get to this point. I started running in March with the intentions of eventually completing the Wrightsville Beach Half-Marathon, which is usually held in April. Partly I was inspired to start running when I saw that Joe was running half-marathons. I thought if he can do it, I can do it. But mostly, I wanted to do it for myself, to prove that I can do it. After 2 months, I can run 1.5 miles without stopping. Or at least I have once and want to get to the point i can do it consistently. I have had to change my goals & pace myself. Maybe I’ll be ready to run a half-marathon a year from now & maybe I won’t. But as long as I am still running at least 3 times a week and am still getting back into shape, I’ll be happy. This week marked my return to Jillian Michaels’ 6 Week 6 Pack workout, the one that got my ass in shape for the 2011 cruise. I already feel it working & I may not have a 6 pack in 6 weeks but I am determined to be more toned and happy with my body as well as my soul.
Anyway, my point in sharing this is that I hope maybe in some small way, I can inspire some of you to do the same. You will feel awesome. Too many times lately I have seen people I care about say “I’m stupid. I’m not good enough. I suck. Life sucks.” etc. It hurts me. And I used to say the same things. Sometimes I still do. Unfortunately I think we are programmed to think that way. We’re taught, mostly by ourselves, that we’re not good enough. We compare ourselves to the “popular” girls. We did it in high school & now we do it in the BH world. Just please, when you find yourself feeling low, think of something positive & happy that you’re grateful for. It’s not that hard. If you do this often enough, you will eventually start thinking more postiively. It’s a tough process but as a former Negative Nelly, I tell you it can be done. And you know what? As a result, you’ll enjoy life more. You’ll see that life doesn’t suck. It’s in fact beautiful and if you’re willing to really look at it for what it is, it can take your breath away. 🙂 xoxo